dialogue.

why are we as a species afraid of dialogue?
what is it that scares us? is it the facing up to someone else's feelings that might not be positive?
i am always amazed how much pain and suffering i put myself through by not just laying out the cards.
plain and simple. this is how i am feeling when you said that. this is why i felt like that.
can there be space?
it feels great to get it off my chest. before i seek the dialogue my mind is cycling turbo speed. it's fuel is a repetitive monologue. this is what it means. this is why he/she did it. i am not good enough. something is wrong with me.
gasp.

hi, do you remember when you said "this and that" the other day. well, "this" really hurt me because it triggered something in me that happened before. and "that", put me in a place where i felt i had to defend myself. just wanted to share. cuz i am sure you didn't intend to hurt me. but it did. can we talk about it?
wow.
sky opens     stretches the horizon    out,    out,     and    beyond the corners of my eyes.
can i actually start to love dialogue?
what if i seek it like a moth. swirl, swirl, swirl. catchooo.

bottom line is i like you and care not only for you and me but also for this elephant that might grow and feed of my soul for the days to come and i will sit under his left back foot, mumbling quietly out loud. akjhf fbskyaw; fnfaswabf.
and really, what i want to really do, is enjoy all of this.
that is.
right now.

tension..

tension
expands like a balloon
but it never pops
it sits.
it sits in my chest and
blows into my heart like a child into a pinwheel
so it runs
my heart runs
on the spot
really fast.
the vibration moves my chest,
wanders right into my finger's tips.
and the room suddenly gets smaller,
smaller and smaller
until
it is just my heart running
on the spot
really fast
it propels me up
up up up
far away from my toes.
my head goes through the roof
and it's just my heart
running still
on the spot.

all it might take, is one breath.
in and out
to land safely back on my two feet.

now or ever.

wind wind
blows
schhhhhhh
around my house
my house with a roof
schhhhhh
and the music filling this room
quietly
the softness of my bedcovers
the wildness of a brewing storm
it's my heart that's calm
while outside
outside
the world is shaking
the leaves are rattling
it's a concert of it's own kind
and i stand and applaud with my heart
fierce
the air is filled with popsicles
and i swim upside down
my arms lower than my legs
my hair reaching
to the ground
it's a moment full of bliss
and as i write this
a new one is created.